Last summer we moved to The Counties. It’s definitely been a lifestyle change; for a start public transport is unreliable and everything is really far apart. In London (or any city), things are walk-able, buses/tubes/trains are hop on-able, you go somewhere just to see what’s what. Now these things actually need planning. Don’t get me wrong, these are the definition of first world problems, but right now they’re seriously impacting on my ability to drink lots of beer.
With this in mind I decided to do a series of crawls in the local area. High Wycombe seemed the obvious first choice as my friends and I had spent much of our youth there drinking warm Greene King, ice cold Stella and various flavours of Aftershock. Not only that, but High Wycombe has a LOT of pubs. We eventually whittled this down to 10 pubs in an approximate circle starting and finishing close to the centre of town for trains/buses/taxis.
During the crawl I kept notes on my phone which I have decided to publish verbatim, because if you can’t trust the notes of an increasingly drunk woman who can you trust?
Without further ado, I present the High Wycombe Pub Crawl 2018:
Yulu 3.8% cask
Only 1 dark option and that’s 6.5%. Bit disappointing. But good selection of cask and keg – trad and non trad. Bottle fridges. Guy trying to set up a TV inadvertently mounts Ian.
2. The 3 Tuns
Used to be the Goblin. Oh the memories!
½ a Mister Swift – v bitter with the faintest hint of egg. Sit on a table with an empty fosters and packet of filters.
Friend describes it as ‘very dodgy’.
Rugby is on but without sound.
3. The Falcon
Spoons. Good for a cheap round (mine, as it happens). Can of Elvis Juice as the bar woman asks and I panic. Dirty glass.
Carb up on chips.
4 cans of Clwb Tropicana. Bit waxy for me (but I say this every time). Huge pub – no tables! Gearing up for Sat night I suppose. Food looks good.
Rugby on the big screen without sound. Something that sounds chilli pepperish.
5. Heidrun – optional
Pretentious, expensive. Skipped.
[I’ve just looked at the sample beer menu and seriously regret this]
6. The Snug – optional
Rounds off, cocktails on. Happy hour which is apparently….all day. Good atmosphere although Train just came on. What next? Bad day?
Tables like a social club. Baps for a pound – cheese and big chunks of onion. 50 types of pickled egg. Northern soul. Footie on but TV’s silent. What an excellent pub. Half of GOODNESS knows what – it’s not important. John and Ian get a pickled egg each.
Pile of shite.
Friend gets a splinter.
Chucked out of upstairs due to boxing match. Peanut butter stout though. Elephant in top hat. With a fork. Lads lads lads. Ian tells a bad joke.
9. Mad Squirrel
Pizzas all round – small ones so as not to interfere with kebab munching. No flinching when I ask for a 8” Spaniard. Abor breakfast stout £3.35 a half. Beautifully smoky, full of coffee beans. Pizza delicious but miss the blue cheese one.
Short review of pubs: what would we leave out? 2 x Chiltern Tap, 2 x 3 Tuns. Ian tells a heartwarming story about the Rose and Crown. We talk about how good it is to support these community pubs. Conversation about cali thistle ensues where hubbo reveals he was at the supercaligoballisticcelticareatrocious game. Then we talk about macaroni pies. Nope.
10. The Antelope
Last pub of the day! As I remember it except almost completely empty. Saddest thing ever as the jukebox has a sign on it declaring it ‘no more’. Bottle of Becks. Quiz machine. We go on the dance floor – 3 Queen songs in a row. I get Aftershock and we accept our fate.
If you’d like to give this a go yourself just click here to download the full directions (and let me know how you get on!)
Next stop: Chesham.
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